Embracing Vulnerability to Become Stronger

True Invulnerability Lies in Embracing Our Vulnerabilities

May 13, 2024

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal." — C.S. Lewis

Is embracing our weaknesses what makes us strong? From a young age, society teaches us that strength means maintaining a facade, suppressing our emotions, and projecting an image of unyielding resilience. We're told to "never let them see you sweat," to "keep a stiff upper lip," and to "tough it out." These messages are reinforced through cultural narratives, from the hero who single-handedly saves the day to the business leader who never shows a crack in their armor.

But what if this perspective needs to be questioned? What if, by striving to be invulnerable, we make ourselves more fragile?

Embracing vulnerability is not easy. It requires courage, self-reflection, and a willingness to step outside our comfort zones. It means facing our fears, acknowledging our doubts, and revealing parts of ourselves that we may have hidden for years.

The Misconception of Strength

Picture the stereotypical "strong" person in your mind. What do you see? Perhaps a stoic figure, calm in the face of adversity, never revealing a hint of the emotions that churn beneath the surface. This archetype is ingrained in our cultural psyche, from the action heroes who dominate our screens to the leaders we're taught to admire.

Is this image of strength a picture of resilience, or is it a facade that masks a more profound fragility?

Traditional views of strength often emphasize the suppression of emotions and the cultivation of an impenetrable exterior. We're taught to "man up," to "stop crying," to "get over it" when faced with life's challenges. Vulnerability is seen as a weakness, a crack in the armor that must be sealed lest it be exploited.

This perspective is reinforced through countless cultural examples. The Spartans of ancient Greece, celebrated for their military prowess, were taught from a young age to suppress their emotions and endure pain without complaint. In modern times, CEOs and political leaders are often lauded for their calm demeanor and ability to make tough decisions without letting emotions cloud their judgment.

But what are the consequences of this relentless pursuit of invulnerability? Far from creating true strength, suppressing emotions and denial of vulnerability can lead to profound psychological and emotional fragility.

When we strive to project an image of strength, we bottle up our fears, doubts, and insecurities. We push these feelings down, refusing to acknowledge their existence. But these emotions don't simply disappear. Instead, they fester beneath the surface, increasing in intensity until they can no longer be contained.

The results are devastating. Chronic stress, anxiety disorders, depression – these are some of the consequences of denying our vulnerabilities. We become disconnected from ourselves, unable to process or express our emotions. Our relationships suffer as we struggle to form authentic connections, always keeping others at arm's length lest they see through our constructed facade.

In our quest for strength, we've forgotten a fundamental truth: vulnerability is not a weakness but an essential part of the human experience. It is the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of love. By denying our vulnerabilities, we cut ourselves from the things that make life worth living.

The Nature of Vulnerability

What is vulnerability, and why is it integral to the human experience?

At its core, vulnerability is the state of being exposed and open to the possibility of harm or loss. It is the recognition that we are not invincible, can be hurt, and can fail. Vulnerability is the soft underbelly that we all have, the chink in our armor that makes us human.

Vulnerability is the price we pay for being alive.

It is the inherent risk that comes with opening ourselves up to the world, forming connections, and pursuing our dreams. To be vulnerable is to acknowledge that we are not in complete control and that forces beyond our power can impact our lives.

Only living beings can be vulnerable. A rock cannot be vulnerable, nor can a machine. They are invulnerable because they are not alive. In death, we reach a state of ultimate invulnerability, freed from the uncertainties and perils of existence.

But in life? In life, vulnerability is inescapable. From the moment we are born, we depend on others for survival. As we grow, we face countless challenges and uncertainties – the risk of failure, the pain of rejection, the fear of the unknown. To live is to be vulnerable, to accept that we are not perfect or in control.

Vulnerability gives life its richness and meaning. Without vulnerability, there can be no courage, for courage requires the presence of fear. Without vulnerability, there can be no love, for love requires the risk of heartbreak. Without vulnerability, there can be no success, for success involves the possibility of failure.

Vulnerability is the source of our humanity, the wellspring from which all that is meaningful and worthwhile in life flows. When we embrace our vulnerability, we tap into a profound source of power—the power to connect, create, and transform.

Embracing vulnerability requires a fundamental shift in our thinking, a willingness to let go of the illusion of control, and an acceptance of life's uncertainties. It means facing our fears, acknowledging our doubts, and learning to find strength in our imperfections.

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." —Carl Jung

The Power of Embracing Vulnerability

What happens when we stop running from our vulnerabilities and start facing them head-on?

The first and perhaps most meaningful effect is a profound sense of courage. It takes immense bravery to confront our deepest fears, acknowledge our weaknesses, and show the world our authentic selves. When we embrace vulnerability, we show an admirable level of courage.

Think of the individuals who have most profoundly changed the world – the leaders, the innovators, the shakers. They all share one thing: they were willing to be vulnerable. They were willing to take risks, put themselves out there, and face the possibility of failure or rejection.

Brené Brown, a researcher and author who has spent decades studying vulnerability, puts it this way:

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."

But the power of embracing vulnerability goes beyond courage. It also affects our mental health and relationships. Studies have shown that individuals who embrace their vulnerabilities experience reduced levels of anxiety and stress. By acknowledging and accepting our imperfections, we free ourselves from the constant pressure to project an image of invulnerability. We learn to be kinder and more compassionate towards ourselves, understanding that our worth is not tied to an impossible standard of perfection.

Embracing vulnerability also allows for deeper, more authentic connections with others. When we let down our guard and allow others to see our true selves, we create space for genuine empathy and understanding. In return, we permit others to be vulnerable, fostering a sense of trust and intimacy essential for any meaningful relationship.

There are many stories of people who have transformed their lives by embracing vulnerability: the person with an addiction who finds the courage to admit their struggle and seek help, the executive who opens up about their insecurities and finds new levels of respect and rapport with their team; the parent who acknowledges their mistakes and strengthens their bond with their child.

These are not isolated incidents but examples of the potential of vulnerability. We open ourselves to growth, healing, and connection by facing our fears and weaknesses.

Embracing vulnerability is not a one-time event. It is a practice, a daily choice to show up for ourselves. It begins with small steps. It means being honest about our fears and insecurities, first with ourselves and then with others. It means practicing self-compassion and treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would extend to a friend. It means taking risks and knowing that failure and rejection are not the end but opportunities for growth.

Vulnerability as a Path to Strength

So, how does vulnerability lead to strength? The answer is a concept known as anti-fragility, the idea that facing challenges and stressors makes us more resilient.

Think of it like a muscle. When we expose ourselves to vulnerability, we put our emotional and psychological muscles under stress. Just like physical exercise, this stress leads to growth and adaptation. We become better equipped to handle future challenges and more flexible in adversity.

The same principle applies to our emotional and psychological well-being. We develop mental and emotional resilience by exposing ourselves to the stresses and challenges of vulnerability. We learn to face our fears, handle rejection and failure, and adapt and grow in adversity.

This is true strength—not the absence of vulnerability but the ability to embrace it. It is the courage to show up in the world, take risks, and face uncertainty. Resilience comes from facing and overcoming challenges and developing trust in oneself and others.

Embracing vulnerability as a path to strength requires a fundamental shift in our thinking. It means redefining success not as achieving an impossible standard of perfection but as the courage to grow, learn, and connect. It means valuing the process of personal development over the illusion of an invulnerable end state.

In practical terms, this shift can take many forms. It might mean admitting when we need help rather than trying to go at it alone. It might mean sharing our fears and insecurities with a trusted friend or therapist. It might mean taking on a new challenge and knowing that failure is a possibility and an opportunity for growth or being honest when it's hard.

As we make this shift, our vulnerabilities become tolerable and valuable. We may see them as signposts, guiding us toward the areas where we have the greatest growth potential. We may even find a sense of liberation in vulnerability, a freedom from the exhausting pursuit of invulnerability.

Let's reframe the way we think about vulnerability. Let's see it as an asset. Let's have the courage to embrace our vulnerabilities, knowing that in doing so, we open ourselves up to a more prosperous, more meaningful existence.

As the poet Rumi said,

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."

Have the courage to embrace your wounds and vulnerabilities; in doing so, allow the light to enter and transform you.

Beyond Two Cents