F*ck It: I'm Doing Me

Confessions of an Accidental Nonconformist

Jul 08, 2024

This image was created using an AI image generator based on a prompt designed by Alejandro Betancourt.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." — Friedrich Nietzsche

I've chosen to carve my path in a world where societal norms often dictate where we "should" go. Living in a conservative Catholic country, I've made choices that raise eyebrows and challenge expectations. Take, for instance, my decision to become a single parent through surrogacy. Yes, you read that right. I'm raising twins solo, a choice that baffles many but brings me the most immense joy of my life.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm happily single, finding fulfillment without a life partner. For me, it's not about avoiding connection; it's about being content with the life I've crafted. Some immediately assume, "He's afraid of commitment," they say. "Can't maintain a relationship," they whisper. Ironic. What could be more committed than choosing to raise children alone?

My life isn't about rebellion for its own sake. It's about valuing freedom above all - the freedom to align my life with my beliefs, societal expectations be damned. This philosophy extends to everything, including my unconventional views on education and the value of a college degree.

A recent chat with a friend made me realize this story needs sharing. What does true freedom mean to you? How do your choices reflect your values?

Defining Freedom: More Than Just Breaking Norms

Freedom. It's a word we toss around casually, but do we understand its weight? Is it simply the ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want? If that were true, wouldn't toddlers be the freest among us?

True freedom is far more nuanced and, frankly, far more challenging.

In my journey, I've come to see freedom as the power to make intentional choices aligned with my deepest values, even when - especially when - those choices fly in the face of societal expectations. It's not about rebellion, for rebellion's sake. It's about the courage to listen to my inner voice when the world is shouting me down.

Think about it. How many of us are living lives dictated by an invisible script? Go to college, get a job, find a partner, have kids, and buy a house. Rinse and repeat. But who wrote this script? And more importantly, why are we following it without question?

True freedom demands that we challenge these scripts. It requires us to ask uncomfortable questions: Why do I believe what I believe? Are my choices mine, or am I just following the herd?

This is challenging. It's far simpler to go with the flow, to let society's current carry us along. But that's not freedom. That's abdication.

Absolute freedom says, "I choose this path, not because it's expected, but because it aligns with who I am." It's about consciously and deliberately making choices, even when they invite criticism or confusion.

In my case, choosing single parenthood via surrogacy wasn't about rejecting traditional family structures. It was about embracing what felt suitable for me under my circumstances. Being happily single isn't a rejection of love or partnership. It's an affirmation of self-sufficiency and contentment.

These choices weren't made lightly or rebelliously. They were made intentionally, after deep reflection, and aligned with my values. That's the essence of freedom - the power to shape your life according to your blueprint, not someone else's.

Freedom isn't just about breaking norms. It's about living authentically, intentionally, and unapologetically. It's about writing your script.

Becoming a Single Parent

Let's talk about the elephant in the room - my decision to become a single parent via surrogacy. It's a choice that often leaves people speechless, their jaws practically on the floor. In a world where the nuclear family is still seen as the gold standard, why would anyone choose to go alone?

Fast forward to today, and I'm the proud parent of twins. The challenges? They're honest and relentless. There's no partner to tag in when I'm running on a few hours of sleep. The logistics of managing life and solo parenting can feel like juggling chainsaws while riding a unicycle.

But the indescribable joy of my children's hands reaching for me, the pride in watching them grow and learn, and the deep satisfaction of building a family on my terms. It's not an easy path, but it's my path.

This decision wasn't about rejecting partnership or fearing commitment. If anything, it's the ultimate commitment - to myself, my values, and these two little humans who depend entirely on me.

It's fascinating how people often confuse unconventional choices with fear or inability. "You must be afraid of relationships," they say. Or "You just haven't found the right person yet." But isn't it more fearful to let the absence of a partner stop you from pursuing your dreams? Isn't it braver to say, "This is what I want, and I'm going for it"?

My journey to parenthood is a testament to the power of choice and the importance of defining success on my terms. It's about recognizing that family comes in all shapes and sizes and that love—not convention—matters.

So, What dreams are you putting on hold because they don't fit the traditional mold? What would you do if you weren't afraid of judgment or failure? Are you living your life or the life others expect you to live?

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." — Mahatma Gandhi.

Fulfillment in Singlehood

Let's bust a myth, shall we? The one that says you need a romantic partner to be truly happy and fulfilled. It's a profoundly ingrained narrative in our culture that many people can't fathom a life of contentment without a significant other. But here I am, happily single and thriving.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-relationship. I'm not sitting here like some jaded cynic, cursing the idea of love, far from it. I'm open to meeting people, making connections, and whatever life brings. But - and this is the kicker - I don't need a partner to feel complete.

Society often treats singlehood like a waiting room. It is as if we're all just killing time until our "real" life begins with a partner. But what if the waiting room is the destination? What if this is the main event?

My singlehood isn't a state of lack. It's a conscious choice, a celebration of self-sufficiency. It's the freedom to pursue my passions without compromise and to make decisions based on my desires and values. It's the joy of cultivating deep friendships and familial bonds without the pressure of a romantic relationship taking center stage.

But it can be challenging. There are moments when societal pressure creeps in. For example, when I'm the only single person at a dinner party or when well-meaning relatives ask, "So, is anyone special in your life?" with that thinly veiled concern in their eyes. Standing firm in your choices takes strength when the world seems to question them at every turn.

The irony is that many people in relationships envy the freedom of a single life, while many singles yearn for partnership. It's the classic "grass is greener" syndrome. But true contentment comes from cultivating your garden, not coveting someone else's.

Being happily single doesn't mean closing yourself off to love. It means being so fulfilled in your life that a relationship becomes a want, not a need. It's about approaching connections from a place of contentment, not desperation.

This mindset shift is powerful. You can form more authentic connections without looking for someone to "complete" you. You can enjoy people for who they are, not what they can offer you regarding a future relationship.

Who says you need a romantic partner to lead a rich, fulfilling life? Who made that rule? The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. Everything else is a bonus.

Navigating Misconceptions and Judgments

Let's face it: when you choose to live on your terms, you will ruffle some feathers. The road less traveled is often lined with raised eyebrows and wagging tongues. But those judgments say more about the judges than they do about you.

I've lost count of the times I've been the recipient of well-meaning "concern" or outright criticism. "You'll change your mind about being single when you meet the right person." "Your kids need a mom." "You're setting a bad example by not valuing traditional education." The list goes on.

These judgments aren't really about me. They're about the insecurities and fears of those passing them. Seeing someone living outside their accepted norms forces them to question their choices. And that can be uncomfortable.

So, how do I navigate this minefield of misconceptions and judgments without losing my mind (or my way)?

First, remember this: You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices. Read that again. Let it sink in. Your life is yours to live, not theirs to understand.

That said, I'm not advocating for a "screw you" attitude towards the world. There's a difference between not explaining yourself and being deliberately antagonistic. Sometimes, a simple "This works for me" is needed. There is no justification, no defense, just a statement of fact.

Second, develop a thick skin. Not everyone will understand or approve of your choices, and that's OK. Their approval isn't necessary for your happiness. If you're living an authentic life, you will face disapproval sooner rather than later.

Third, find your tribe. Seek out people who love you or at least respect your choices. They don't have to live exactly like you, but having a support system of open-minded individuals can be a lifesaver when the judgments start to wear you down.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, stay true to yourself. When faced with constant questioning, it's easy to start doubting your choices. But remember why you made these decisions in the first place. Reconnect with your values, goals, and vision for your life.

Living an unconventional life means you'll always be swimming against the current. It's tiring. It's frustrating. Sometimes, you might wonder if it's worth it. But ask yourself this: would you rather live a life true to yourself or one that makes everyone else comfortable?

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Intentional Living

Let's talk about intention. Not the wishy-washy, new-age concept, but the brass-tacks, life-altering power of making deliberate choices. Intentional living is your secret weapon.

How many of your daily actions are on autopilot? How many of your life choices have been made by default rather than design? It's a sobering thought.

Intentional living is about taking the reins of your life. It's about making conscious decisions that align with your values, goals, and desires. It's the difference between drifting through life and steering your ship.

When I decided to become a single parent via surrogacy, it wasn't a spur-of-the-moment choice. It resulted from deep reflection, careful planning, and a clear understanding of what I wanted my life to look like; it took me many years to make. Was it an easy decision? Hell no. But it was an intentional one.

Here's the thing about intentional living: it forces you to get brutally honest with yourself. What do you want? What are you willing to sacrifice to get it? What are your non-negotiables?

It's only sometimes comfortable. Sometimes, living intentionally means making choices that others don't understand. It might mean walking away from a high-paying project that doesn't align with your values. It could mean ending relationships that no longer serve you. It often means saying no to good things so you can say yes to great things.

But the payoff? Unparalleled. You're no longer at the mercy of circumstances. You're the author of your own story, not just a character in someone else's.

Intentional living has shaped every aspect of my life, from my career choices to my parenting style, educational philosophy, and personal relationships. It's not about having a perfect plan—life has a way of throwing curveballs. It's about having a clear direction and the flexibility to adjust course when needed.

So, how do you start living more intentionally? Begin by asking yourself some hard questions:

What are your core values? Not what you think they should be, but what they indeed are.
What does success look like to you? Not society's definition, but yours.
What are you doing out of habit or expectation rather than genuine desire?
What would it look like if you could design your ideal life?
What would you do if you weren't afraid of people's judgments?

Then, start making choices that align with your answers. It might initially feel uncomfortable, and you might face resistance from others and within yourself. But stick with it.

I've shared some personal things, triumphs, deliberate departures from societal norms, and the freedom I've found in charting my course. But the truth is, I sometimes get it right. There are plenty of areas in my life where I follow convention. I pay my taxes, queue politely, and conform to social expectations when it feels right. I'm not some rebel without a cause, thumbing my nose at every societal norm just for the sake of it.

The point isn't to be different in everything you do. It's about being intentional in your choices, whether they align with convention. It's about having the courage to step off the beaten path when it doesn't lead where you want to go and the wisdom to recognize when the well-trodden road is the best route for you.

Freedom, as I've understood it, isn't about making the most shocking choices or constantly bucking the system. It's about having the ability to choose – period. It's about living life on your terms, even if sometimes those terms align with societal expectations.

The freedom to say yes when you want to and no when you need to say no. The freedom to design a life that resonates with yourself, even if it raises a few eyebrows.

So, as you reflect on your life, ask yourself: Where are you following the script without question? Where might you benefit from coloring outside the lines? And most importantly, are you making these choices intentionally, or are you simply going with the flow?

The goal isn't to be unconventional for the sake of it. The goal is to be authentically, unapologetically you – whatever that looks like.

Your journey to freedom will look different from mine. It might involve big, bold choices like single parenthood or a series of small, daily decisions to live more intentionally. Whatever it is, embrace it. Own it. Live it.

Because at the end of the day, the most radical act of freedom is being true to yourself.

Beyond Two Cents

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