The Precursor to Faithfulness is a Commitment to Self

We Can't Commit to Others Before We Commit to Ourselves

Mar 04, 2024

This image was created using OpenAI’s DALL-E, based on a prompt designed by Alejandro Betancourt.

“If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.” - Nora Roberts

What does it mean to be faithful? We talk a lot about fidelity—keeping our promises to others. But before we can uphold commitments to others, faithfulness starts from within. I know it’s a cliché to say that we are our best allies or worst enemies, and that everything starts with ourselves, but it is true! The integrity of our word depends upon the integrity of our spirit.

The first faithfulness is being true to ourselves. Understanding our innermost values and priorities builds the foundation for trustworthiness in all areas of life.

But how often do we betray what we know to be right for immediate gratification or approval? We evade boundaries that honor our well-being. We abandon goals that express our purpose. We ignore the little voice urging self-care, growth, or courage.

Over time, these small infidelities compound, driving a wedge between who we are and how we live. Our energy depletes. Our self-trust corrodes. Resentment towards the roles we play builds. We feel trapped playing fictional versions of ourselves.

The tragedy is that we inherit a fearsome inner critic from a young age. The voice quickly shames us for saying no, chasing dreams, or speaking up. No wonder we find it easier to be faithful to others before ourselves! After years spent pinned under impossible standards, the compass buried deep within grows faint.

But what if we dared to listen? What if we made choices to feed our flame rather than fight it?

The first step is compassion— because courage requires kindness. Self-faithfulness means softening the harsh inner judge to hear the gentle inner guide. As we nurture self-acceptance, we grow more discerning of that still, small inner voice of wisdom.

The next step is commitment—because intentions require follow-through. As we consistently tune into our inner compass, we rebuild the muscle memory of self-trust. Day by day, we reclaim our sovereignty. With our bearings restored, we live more authentically and transparently.

What Does "Faithfulness to Ourselves" Look Like?

What constitutes being faithful to who we are? While the definition varies for each person, some key themes coincide.

At the core, self-faithfulness means honoring our intrinsic values and beliefs—those central tenets that form the bedrock of our inner identity. It's staying true to our priorities and goals even when external forces try to pull us off course. It's having the courage and conviction to walk our path rather than chasing validation.

Self-faithfulness also means keeping commitments that allow our best self to flourish—those that nurture growth, inspiration, and joy. This requires carving out time for self-care, reflection, creating, learning, and meaningful connections. It means adopting lifestyle choices that renew our mind, body, and spirit.

Faithfulness to ourselves means maintaining firm boundaries. We decide what standards of conduct, effort, and treatment we accept from ourselves and others. This includes speaking up about our needs and feelings rather than just soothing ourselves to keep the peace. Enforcing healthy boundaries provides a structure for integrity to thrive.

In short, self-faithfulness boils down to two guiding principles:

Accept Who We Are: We must allow and appreciate our intrinsic make-up, values, priorities, feelings, needs, limitations, and dreams. This means avoiding buying into narratives about who we "should" be.
Nurture Who We Are: We care for ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally through lifestyle choices that feed our health and purpose. Seek meaningful growth opportunities while practicing restraint against overexertion.

It bears stating that self-faithfulness is not self-centeredness. Committing to ourselves strengthens our capacity to uphold commitments to those we care about—because we grant them the fully alive, fully present person we trained ourselves to be through self-awareness. We cannot share our best selves if we lose connection with our essence. The first faithfulness makes the next ones possible.

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking.” - Steve Jobs

What Happens When We Are Unfaithful to Ourselves

When we chronically betray what we know to be right for us, the personal consequences cut deep.

At the core, self-betrayal makes us feel fraudulent and adrift. We wonder why we lack passion as we shelve dreams that ignite our spirit. Neglecting self-care leaves us depleted and joyless. Accommodating past the point of integrity breeds sadness and anger. Ignoring inner wisdom erodes self-trust over time.

The mental health impacts are also severe. Chronic self-abandonment traps us with negative thought patterns like anxiety, scarcity, comparison, and overwhelm. Feeling unable to act on our truth creates profound stuckness. Our motivation dwindles along with confidence in our voice.

Betraying ourselves leaves us more vulnerable to poor influences. Muting inner wisdom causes us to lose discernment against destructive messaging or manipulation. We then relinquish authority over our direction and decision-making.

Repeated disloyalty to ourselves brings profound disconnection - from purpose, freedom, self-knowledge, agency, and hope. We suffer the pain of a thousand paper cuts as we numb our light. Have we lost sight of our inner compass in the quest for approval?

The good news is, there is a way back - but the journey requires courage.

The Ripple Effects of Disloyalty to Ourselves

Betraying our values and needs never happens in isolation. Like stones cast into a pond, self-infidelity creates ripples of damage across different domains. It corrodes integrity and fractures the trust between ourselves and others we care about.

When we fail to honor what's right for us, we undermine our motivation to keep commitments we resent making. Duty is no substitute for devotion to having the heart fully in. Resentment and inner conflicts drain energy, and we've already exhausted giving away.

These dynamics strain intimate relationships. People may pledge fidelity based more on roles and history than shared values or emotional intimacy. But when core needs go unspoken or neglected, bonds wither no matter how solid the foundation once stood. Ultimately, no one feels seen or heard, paving the way for distrust.

Self-abandonment also reinforces feelings of being trapped in various facets of life, powerless to disrupt the interlocking systems that govern our existence. We relinquish responsibility for our experience by resigning ourselves to monotonous motions. Believing change isn't possible, we settle for far less than we know we are here for.

Essentially, betraying ourselves becomes a way of living—and relating. We abandon personal authority in favor of playing by external rules. Without an inner compass directing choices toward meaning and potential, we drift further off course. Compromising self-sovereignty makes us poor stewards of the gifts we travel with, failing ourselves and those who stand to benefit in the process. There is another way.

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." - Malcolm S. Forbes

Reclaiming Agency Through Self-Faithfulness

While self-betrayal costs cut deep, the path back to wholeness lies within reach. We reclaim our lives by reclaiming faith in ourselves first—then standing strong no matter what storms may come our way.

It starts with compassion for the ways we've betrayed our inner light. Self-judgment only drives a wedge between who we are and who we wish to become. Cultivating self-acceptance creates fertile ground for self-trust to retake roots.

As we release negative narratives about our worth and capabilities, we grow more attuned to gentle inner guidance. We discern what emotional nutrients and behaviors align with thriving, using wisdom earned through past pains for growth instead of grief.

With clearer sight, we can recognize spaces, systems, and people violating our spirit and those honoring our souls. We set boundaries to protect our energies from further theft. We channel time and effort toward people and activities feeding our passion.

Standing firm in truth requires declining situations misaligned with our ethics or intentions. Whether overcommitting, spineless complaining, or enabling disrespect from others, we trained people to treat us through chronic acquiescence and avoidance of discomfort.

But resetting dynamics means enduring short-term pain for long-term peace. With openness, we share authentic needs and feelings about situations needing change—then stick to those with loving accountability when tested.

Consistent actions building self-trust and healthy coping reshape our destinies over time. Compounded gains generate momentum that lifts us to greater heights.

When we dare to know, nurture, and honor ourselves first, ripples of positive transformation radiate outward. As we grow into our power, we inspire those around us—the impact multiplies when living from authentic courage rather than conformity or fear.

Committing to Ourselves First

The first faithfulness must be to ourselves, or we risk losing integrity across all following commitments. When we nurture acceptance and trust inward, it ripples outward.

Betraying our inner compass leaves us feeling inauthentic and trapped, corroding mental health and relationships. But we can rebuild agency through courage and compassion.

The journey back to wholeness starts by releasing judgment and getting reacquainted with inner wisdom. Incremental steps add up through living true to our convictions and nurturing alignments that honor our souls.

Standing firm spans big choices as much as small daily decisions to prioritize self-care over productivity, speak up instead of avoiding, and carve space for creating. Though discomfort looms, we can lean on the community while standing tall.

As we honor our values, care for our humanity, and communicate clearly, we recommit to being trustees of our life's purpose. Our ripple effect grows from lighting ourselves up first.

Every day offers a chance to choose faithfulness—beginning with ourselves. When we nurture our spirits aglow, we can light the way for others back home to wholeness, too. This is the first fidelity that makes all the rest possible.

Beyond Two Cents