We Always Do Our Best

Unmasking the Lie of 'What If'

Aug 05, 2024

This image was created using an AI tool based on a prompt designed by Alejandro Betancourt.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Søren Kierkegaard

Ever find yourself in a late-night time travel, revisiting that job interview where you fumbled or that relationship you let slip away? We've all been trapped in the 'what if' maze, convincing ourselves we could have done better.

Hindsight is nothing but an illusion. It's a hard-hitting reality check that might liberate you from regret and self-doubt.

At any given moment, you're doing your best with the tools at your disposal.

Your decisions, actions, and reactions are the product of your knowledge, experiences, and circumstances at that precise instant. It's not about being perfect; it's being perfectly you in each moment.

The Nature of Decision-Making

Let's discuss how we make decisions. It's not some mystical process where wisdom descends from the heavens. It's messy, complicated, and incredibly human.

Picture your brain as a supercomputer, but instead of cold, complex logic, it's running on a cocktail of emotions, memories, and half-remembered advice from your grandma.

Your brain can only work with what it has. It's like trying to cook a gourmet meal with whatever's left in your fridge the day before grocery shopping. Sometimes, you end up with a masterpiece; other times, it's a disaster, but it's always the best you could do with what you had.

It's easy to look back and say, "I should have known better." But that's like criticizing yourself for not winning the lottery. You're judging your past self with information your present self has.

We always do our best with what we've got. It might not be perfect, but it's human.

The Illusion of Hindsight

Let's talk about the "I-knew-it-all-along" syndrome. That smug little voice in your head whispers, "I totally saw that coming," when you were as clueless as a goldfish in a maze.

Hindsight bias is like looking at life through a rearview mirror and thinking you're clairvoyant. It's the mental equivalent of watching a movie for the second time and feeling like a genius for predicting the plot twists.

So why do we fall for this trick of the mind?

Simple. It's comforting.

It gives us the illusion of control. Believing we could have done better helps us feel like we're in charge, rather than admitting we're often at the mercy of chance and circumstance.

Think about it. When you look back at a decision, you're not just looking at your choice. You're looking at it with all the knowledge you've gained since then, all the consequences that have unfolded, and all the "what ifs" your brain has cooked up. It's like trying to unsee a spoiler – once you know how things turn out, it's impossible to put yourself back in that state of not knowing.

Remember the 2008 financial crisis? Now, armchair economists will tell you it is evident that anyone could see it coming. But if it was obvious, why didn't everyone sell their stocks and shorten the housing market?

The truth is, at the time, the signs needed to be clarified to most people. Even many experts failed to predict the magnitude of the crash. But now, with the benefit of hindsight, we can point to all the red flags and say, "How did we miss this?"

This isn't just about economics. It applies to everything from relationships to career choices. It's easy to look back at a failed marriage and say, "I should have seen the warning signs." But at the moment, you were working with limited information, clouded by emotions and hopes for the future.

This illusion of hindsight doesn't just make us feel bad about our past decisions. It can hinder our ability to make good choices in the future. When we believe we "should have known better," we're less likely to learn from our experiences and more likely to beat ourselves up over things we couldn't possibly have controlled.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

— Maya Angelou

We are Doing Our Best

Let's cut through the BS and get to the heart of the matter: you're not a self-sabotaging idiot. You're not deliberately making bad choices to spice up your life with a dash of regret. The truth is, at any given moment, you're making the best choice you can with the cards you've been dealt.

Have you ever woken up and thought, "You know what would be great? Making a terrible decision today!" Of course not. We're all out here trying to navigate this chaos we call life, making choices that seem best for us now.

But here's where it gets interesting. What seems "best" isn't always best in the long run. It's like choosing between a salad and a burger. In the moment, that juicy burger might seem like the best choice (especially if you're hungry), even though future-you might disagree when you're struggling to button your pants.

So, what's influencing these choices? Let's break it down:

Stress: Have you ever made a rash decision under pressure? That's your brain on stress. It's like trying to solve a Rubik's cube while running from a bear – not conducive to clear thinking.
Time constraints: In an ideal world, we'd have all the time we need to weigh our options. But life isn't a leisurely game of chess. Sometimes, it's more like speed chess played on a sinking ship. You make the best move you can in the time you have.
Emotional state: Emotions are like Instagram filters for our decisions. They can make a terrible idea look appealing or a great opportunity seem scary.
Limited information: We're not omniscient beings. We make decisions based on our information rather than the information we wish we had. It's like trying to predict the weather with a mood ring – you're working with limited data.
Personal values and beliefs: What you believe shapes your choices. If you value security, you might turn down a risky but potentially rewarding opportunity. If you value adventure, you might take that risk. Neither choice is inherently right or wrong – it's just you being you.
Physical state: Have you ever gone grocery shopping while hungry? Suddenly, everything looks delicious, and you end up with a cart full of junk food. Your physical state can significantly impact your decision-making.
Past experiences: Your history shapes your choices. If you've been burned before, you might be overly cautious. If you've had success taking risks, you might be more inclined to do so again.

All these factors are swirling around in your brain every time you decide. It's like trying to solve a complex equation while riding a roller coaster – a lot is going on, and it's not always pretty.

Now, understanding this doesn't excuse bad decisions, but it does explain them. It allows us to be kinder to ourselves and others. It helps us realize that we're not intentionally messing up even when we mess up. We're just human beings doing our best.

Embracing Our Past Decisions

Alright, let's talk about embracing your past decisions. No, I don't mean hugging them – I'm talking about accepting them. It's time to stop treating your past self like a punching bag and start seeing it as your most valuable teacher.

Acceptance doesn't mean you must love every choice you've ever made. It's about acknowledging that those decisions made sense, given who you were and what you knew then. Even the ones that make you cringe now.

Think of it this way: Your past self was a beta version of you. Sure, it had bugs and glitches, but you would only be who you are with that version. Each decision, good or bad, has shaped you. They're the strokes that have sculpted your current self.

Once you accept your past decisions, you can start mining them for gold. Every choice you've made is a data point, a lesson waiting to be learned. Did you jump into a relationship too fast? That's not a failure – it's a crash course in taking things slow. Did you stay in a dead-end job too long? Congratulations, you've just earned a PhD in recognizing your worth.

This isn't just about learning lessons. It's about applying them. It's about taking all that hard-earned wisdom and using it to make better decisions moving forward. You've been unwittingly gathering tools all this time, and now you finally get to use them to build something unique.

The goal isn't to never make mistakes. That's impossible, and it would make for a boring life. The goal is to make new mistakes – to fail forward, to stumble in new and exciting ways that push you to grow and evolve.

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it." —Rick Warren

By embracing the idea that we're always doing our best with what we have, we open the door to a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. We trade self-flagellation for self-understanding, regret for growth, and "what ifs" for "what's next."

This isn't just a feel-good philosophy—it's a practical approach to life. When we stop wasting energy on imaginary alternate pasts, we free up mental resources to create a better future. We become more resilient, more adaptable, and, better decision-makers.

So, the next time you find yourself staring into the rearview mirror of life, questioning your choices, remember this: Hindsight isn't 20/20 – it's more like a fun-house mirror, distorting your view of the past. Your decisions, in their moment, were the best you could do. They were imperfect, just like you.

Beyond Two Cents