When Feeling Good and Being Good for Us Don’t Align

Exploring the Balance Between What Satisfies Us Now and What Sustains Us for the Future

Apr 29, 2024

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." —Viktor E. Frankl

Have you ever found yourself reaching for that extra piece of cake, knowing it might upset your stomach later? Or have you decided to skip a workout, opting for the comfort of your couch? All of us have.

Something compelling about the immediate gratification these choices bring is the instant pleasure—no waiting required. This human inclination to seek such moments is in our nature, and it often leads us down a path that diverges from our long-term well-being.

This topic surfaced during a conversation with a close friend who was angry toward someone who had wronged her. In the heat of the moment, she felt justified in expressing her frustration, believing it would bring her relief. This is a vivid example of how the satisfying rush of venting anger can feel good yet might not serve us well in the long run.

The consequences of these choices can be significant. Talking with her made me think of how often what feels good in the moment is at odds with what is good for us. Whether indulging in sweets, lashing out in anger, or skipping the gym, indulgent choices seldom lead us to where we want to go.

The Dichotomy of Pleasure and Benefit

Life presents us with a peculiar choice: do we go for what feels good now or what will benefit us in the long run? This is the dilemma we all face, from the mundane decisions of daily life to the defining moments that shape our futures. It's a dance between immediate pleasure and lasting gain, a balancing act that can be more complex than it seems.

Consider the simple joy of indulging in unhealthy, delicious food. There's an undeniable pleasure in tucking into your favorite fast food or treating yourself to an oversized dessert. These moments of indulgence are delightful, but their long-term effects on our health can be anything but. Procrastination offers immediate relief from tackling a daunting task.

On the flip side, think about the actions that don’t bring instant gratification but are good for us. Take disciplined eating, for example. Choosing a salad over a steak or snacking on almonds instead of chips doesn't provide the same immediate pleasure. Still, the benefits—better health, more energy, a longer life—are profound. Regular exercise is another prime example. The initial discomfort of waking up early for a jog or pushing through a challenging workout is rough. But health and stamina payoff.

This dichotomy challenges us to think about our choices. It's not about judging ourselves but understanding the impact of our decisions. It prompts us to ask ourselves: are we living for the fleeting pleasures of the moment, or are we investing in our future selves?

It's a question worth pondering as we navigate the interplay between what feels good and good for us. By reflecting on these choices, we can empower ourselves to make decisions that align with our long-term well-being.

Strategic Silence vs. Impulsive Honesty

The concept of "strategic silence" can seem counterintuitive, even unwelcome. But there are compelling reasons to choose silence or measure our words before speaking.

Strategic silence is not about dishonesty but choosing the right moment and words that align with our long-term goals and relationships. In professional settings, for instance, blurting out the first thought that comes to mind during a tense negotiation or a high-stakes meeting can undermine our objectives. In personal relationships, immediate, unfiltered responses to sensitive situations can damage bonds that might have taken years to build.

The value of restraint and thoughtful consideration cannot be overstated. Holding back impulsive comments gives us more time to evaluate the situation, consider other perspectives, and plan a response that contributes to our objectives. This thoughtful pause can make the difference between a successful outcome and a regrettable one.

Contrast this approach with the pitfalls of impulsive honesty. While honesty can be a virtue, impulsiveness can turn it into a vice. The unfiltered expression might feel liberating at the moment, like a weight lifted off your chest. Words spoken in haste are often words we wish to take back. They can hurt feelings, destroy trust, or close off avenues of communication that might have led to better understanding or solutions.

The challenge is balancing expressing ourselves and maintaining the strategic poise to navigate complex social interactions. It’s about knowing when to speak up and when it might be wiser to remain silent, always with an eye toward the greater good of all involved. This isn’t always easy, but it is a skill that can influence the trajectory of our lives.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." — Aristotle

The Misalignment of Feeling Good and Being Good

At the core of many personal struggles is a common yet complex issue: the things that make us feel good at the moment are not always the things that are good for us in the long run. This misalignment can manifest in various detrimental behaviors, from the allure of addictive substances to the release of venting frustrations without a filter.

Take the use of drugs as an illustrative example. Drugs can offer an immediate escape, a quick fix to numb pain or elevate mood, providing an intense feeling of euphoria or relaxation. This short-lived pleasure comes at a high cost. The long-term consequences can be devastating, not only physically and mentally but also socially and financially. The pursuit of the feel-good sensation that drugs provide can lead to addiction, deteriorating health, and impaired relationships, demonstrating a stark divergence between immediate gratification and genuine well-being.

Consider the act of venting. It feels good to express our emotions and speak our minds, especially in anger or frustration. Venting can provide a release, a way to share our feelings and feel supported. When done impulsively or without consideration for the context or the recipient, venting can damage relationships, hurt others, and escalate conflicts. What feels like a momentary relief can result in long-term repercussions that we might later regret.

These examples underscore a lesson in the painful discrepancy between what feels good and what is good for us. Learning to recognize this gap and choosing actions that align more with our long-term health and happiness is crucial. It challenges us to look beyond the immediate relief and assess the broader impact of our choices, guiding us toward more thoughtful, sustainable behaviors.

Strategy’s Role

Being strategic about personal growth involves more than setting goals; it requires aligning our daily actions with our long-term aspirations. This alignment ensures that the steps we take day in and day out aren't random activities but are steering us toward our purpose. It's about making conscious decisions today that will benefit us tomorrow, next year, and beyond.

One of the core components of strategic personal growth is making decisions that our future selves will appreciate. This means thinking beyond the immediate pleasure or convenience of a moment and considering how our choices will impact us in the future.

Enduring discomfort is often necessary for reaching significant achievements. Consider the discomfort of exercising, tackling a complex project, or even entering therapy to work through personal issues. These activities might be challenging and daunting, but they are essential for improvement. Just like muscles must be stressed to grow stronger, our abilities and resolve must be tested and developed through experience and effort.

A strategic approach to personal growth is about seeing the bigger picture and understanding that progress comes from what we are willing to endure rather than what we are eager to enjoy. It's a commitment to a process that values long-term satisfaction over temporary comfort.

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." — Seneca

I invite you to pause and reflect on your experiences. Here are a couple of questions to ponder:

Reflect on a time you opted for immediate pleasure that resulted in negative consequences. What motivated your choice, and what did you learn from the outcome?
Consider a situation where you chose a challenging path that promised long-term rewards over instant gratification. What influenced your decision, and how did the results meet your expectations?
Can you think of an experience where enduring discomfort led to significant benefits later? Was the ultimate reward worth the initial discomfort?
How do you evaluate the potential impacts of your decisions, and what strategies help you maintain focus on your long-term objectives?

The allure of immediate comfort is strong, but as we've explored, yielding to it without careful consideration can lead to unintended consequences. Strategic thinking, a commitment to our long-term well-being, and the ability to endure short-term discomfort are critical in navigating this dynamic.

Let us strive to be mindful of our choices and their long-term impacts. Let's aim to cultivate habits and decision-making processes that feel good and align with our goals and aspirations.

Beyond Two Cents